What's my Rashee??

             Yes I was asking this same question after being tormented by the latest movie “What’s your Raashee“. Me, my wife and a friend went for this movie today and found it an absolute waste of time. The movie had nothing to offer to its audience. Ashutosh Gowariker has again tried a total new concept which he always does. I still can’t remember a better movie then Lagaan and Swadesh but this one is a total turn-off.

What does movie offer – It’s about a guy who has to get married within a week. He is given a choice with 176 girls to choose from but he decides to meet just 12 of them, 1 from each sun sign. He does so because he reads a book “What’s your Rashee” which tells him that every sun sign has its own distinctive qualities. All 12 girls are played by Piggy Chops depicting metaphor for Harman Baweja’s dream girl. Indeed an original thought.

Movies biggest assets – Priyanka Chopra, She has looked stunning. She has done an amazing job while portraying these 12 poles apart characters. She has acted very well right through the movie. Also, the final song which shows all 12 Priyanka Chopras together is actually the best song and has a very lovely feel in it.

So why did Titanic Sink??

1. Whenever Harman Baweja goes to see a girl there is a song!! 12 songs in total and then 13th when all of them come together.

2. Harman Baweja can’t give expressions for nuts; I found his performance well under average.
3. Duration of the movie, over 3.5 hrs!!
4. All characters had very slackly written role. Excluding Priyanka Chopra everyone failed to make an impression.
5. Climax is stupid and it does not give explanation for why he got married to XYZ girl out of those 12. Almost 8-9 candidates which story makes sure that Harman will not tie the knot with but out of remaining 4-3 why he chooses XYZ!!! I am still searching for that answer.

             Please don’t go and watch it in the theatre because it’s a complete waste of time. If you disagree I would love to hear from you.

Feather in Joke Factory's Cap

All details given below are fictious and picked up from a leading newspaper, I have not written any of this (Otherwise Joke factory will sack me too :D)

Aiyoo City: A software engineer working with Joke Factory allegedly jumped to death from the multi-storeyed Joke Factory building located on the
outskirts of the city, police said today.


The deceased was identified as VY (28), a native of Gwalior in Madhya Pradesh, the police said.


VY was working with the software firm in the Electronics city since 2004. He was on three months leave and last month he sent in his resignation through e-mail from his hometown which was accepted by the firm.


The company, however, said he could work till August 31, the sources said.


VY came to the office last night and jumped to death from the building, police said.


Readers Opinions


Joke Factory labour, Aiyoo City, says: I am also in same tower,ASS2 and same ODC where VY Jumped from,This is really sad news,his supervisor Should be hanged. They made him sucide. Joke Factory Really Sucks!!.This is not it happen first time here, in 2006 another guy jumped from ASS1 tower I want to get out of Joke Factory ASAP. Joke Factory policy are not employee friendly, they put 12000 people under enrichment,Govt should interfer in this situaion
[28 Aug, 2009 1131hrs IST]


Joke Factory labour, Aiyoo City, says: I am sure he was laid off. beacuse of that only that poor guy has done sucide..and if u knw software industry the first question is no one will GIVE YOU 3 MONTHS OFF !!!!Think guys time to leave Joke Factory....
[28 Aug, 2009 1115hrs IST]


cannot disclose, Aiyoo City, says: Hi, Its very sad to hear about this,I think there should be more inquiry in this matter,because I am damn sure that the guy would have been forced to put the papers as like me and thousands of employees who were asked to resign or face the adverse consequences. Ex employee Joke Factory
[28 Aug, 2009 1109hrs IST]


Joke Factory Employee, Aiyoo City, says: This is really a sad incident . Such kind of incidents can be easily controlled if the company policies are employee friendly . The HR should be doing councelling to know the state of the employee's mind . Also pressure which comes in from the management should also be checked .
[28 Aug, 2009 1022hrs IST]


sssss, delhi, says: actually indian it firms are hopeless and dont know to run business.Joke Factory is the worst firm one can imagine in india.hell with the cheap management of indian it firms who r good in cock riding
[28 Aug, 2009 0741hrs IST]


Another victim, Heaven, says: Suspect he would have been laid off and asked to resign. Would there be any other reason why he should choose to suicide inside office campus. Investigations result will not be revealed to safeguard the co. image. Poor guy let go his life. World doesn't ends when you are laid off.
[28 Aug, 2009 0459hrs IST]


Amulya, Atlanta, says: this news is wrong he did not commit suicide. Joke Factory is making story to hide fact. he was my child hood friend
[28 Aug, 2009 0450hrs IST]


Jagan, Blr, says: Joke Factory HR should be asked for their policy/agreement using which an employee can be given 3 months leave. And during that leave period, he has the rights to resign :). Does this happen in a normal situation? Employees getting 3 months leave in middle of a project, and then happily resigning? IT employees, know the labour laws of India and act accordingly. No other way out.
[27 Aug, 2009 2137hrs IST]


Lakshmi, UK, says: I completely agress with Tapan, Vohra. As a software engineer, I know, the difficult of work stress combine with this there is a interpersonal problems and other issues. I was once sufferer becoz, of depression. I was lucky to recognize and take control of my life but, how many people can do it for their self ? My self-assessment (intutitive) is around 70-90% IT guys are suffering from some form of mental illness. This should be the highest alarm issue for all corporate and government.
[27 Aug, 2009 1741hrs IST]


Joke Factory Employee, UK, says: Another feather in a cap for Joke Factory !!!
[27 Aug, 2009 1721hrs IST]


Tapan, Vohra, says: IT Professionals today are under a lot of stress, yet very few IT companies have the awareness or will to routinely access the mental health of its individuals. In these times of stress, companies should provide facilities for counselling for people who genuinely need help. Sites, like the Indian IT Professional Network, iITPRO.NET, should take up these issues with the corporate IT world.
[27 Aug, 2009 1557hrs IST]


True Joke Factory Employee, india, says: Dear All IT professional, This not new ,In MYSORE (karnatka)Joke Factory office the same incident happend in month of FEB.due to HR manager .one SAP team member also try to jump from 5 th floor but luckily security team caughtd him.it very important to note that in mysore employee are thrown out from their job due to south Vs North fight.some high post manager having this mentality to bias.these type of people showing false performance issue for paper work and destroying Joke Factory brand name.
[27 Aug, 2009 1550hrs IST]

Top 10 signs which indicates that you are working for Joke Factory

10. When other then poogle.com everything else is blocked.

9. When you get same reply for anything you request or recommend.... "NO"

8. When you buy meal from the factory restaurant and the canteen boy shooos you away if you ask for extra because what he served was inadequate.

7. When you ask ferry driver to ride slow and he also shooos you away.

6. When you never get your complete salary, ya that’s sad.

5. When everyone is given top work ranking in the same year when there is no hike in salary. The raise depends on the ranking. No hike means it does not matter what grade you get so offer everyone the highest grade and let them be contented.



4. When you are said to give your 150% but not to anticipate any help if factory fires you. (This was told by a very very top ranked spokesperson)

3. When you do terrible work you will get blasted majestically and when you do fine work you will just get blasted.

2. When you read a warning "Parking at owner's risk" within the Joke Factory's own boat parking waterfront. (I guess I should be guarding my boat for 8 hrs instead of working)

And The WINNER is: When life guard looks for bomb, knife and gun in you bag (I am sincerely not joking). He checks only males because females don’t do such things!! (I am yet again not joking)

Tell us more what different happens in you Joke Factory

The Couch

Yesterday night we were invited to this place which is recognized as 'The Couch'. It’s a Lounge bar at the MG Road.

Address: - 114/1 Sai Complex (above corporation bank)
Bangalore, Karnataka 560 001
Phone: - 080 41512898
Opening Hours: - 12:30 pm to 11:30 pm everyday

It is situated on 1st floor and extends till third floor. We went on Tuesday so there was no hitch in getting the place. Me and my wife arrived first and asked for reservation for 9 of us. The manager said that it does not require reservation on weekdays so there will not be any trouble. I and my wife had to kill half an hour till the moment everybody turns up, we went for window shopping. When we came back the 1st floor was chock-full and there was no place for us but in view of the fact that manager promised us, he shifted us to the 2nd floor which is closed all through weekdays.

We were given a quiet a large spot which was comfy for all of us. They have seating capacity for groups of 2-10 with extremely comfortable couches. Music was loud but not deafening. The interior was great and the place is neat and clean.

Let’s come to the food. We asked for some starters, drinks and main course. Let me tell you that this place is quiet expensive and sophisticated but even after charging a whooping 250 rupees for a main course, the quantity was an adequate amount for two. We ordered,

Hors d'oeuvres
2 French fries,
1 Seekh kabab,
1 noodle roll,
1 baby corn fry

Beverages
8 Bacardi (If I remember correctly)
5 Large Beers
1 Virgin Kiss (Mock tail)
1 Ice Tea
2 Mirinda
1 Sprite

Main course
1 Dal Makhni (Accompanied with 1 Bowl Rice/2 Naan)
1 Thai Curry (Accompanied with 1 Bowl Rice/2 Naan)
1 Mushroom Masala (Accompanied with 1 Bowl Rice/2 Naan)
1 Paneer butter masala (Accompanied with 1 Bowl Rice/2 Naan)
1 Ginger Noodles

It was adequate for all of us counting Parmesh :-) and the check was roughly 5K after tax.

Unlike other exclusive restaurants where you pay more and eat less, I found this place much much better. I thought it was worth till the last penny. The ambience was splendid. The food was yummy. The service was excellent. The food was served within 15 minutes we placed the order. But this may be deceptive because we were here on a weekday, things might get poles apart on weekends. But it was a very nice and cozy place and unquestionably a great place to hang out with a large group or for a Romantic outing.

Why do we make life so complicated for us??

Today morning I started to the workplace routinely at around 9 in my car. I took inner Bannerghatta course. When I was half way through to my destination, I saw a boy standing on the side of the road and frantically waiting for something. It took me 1 second in addition to comprehend that he wanted a ride. He was about 10-12 year old. He looked deprived but the way he wore his pant and T-shirt, nicely tucked in, impressed me and I stopped the car for him as soon as he waived me. I did not know what happened to me. I never stop for anyone, especially who are asking for lift. He looked un-harmful to me.

I asked him where does he want to go and he said "Hosur Road". I gladly let him in. I am sure that some of you (particularly my relatives) will not be pleased about this. They have all rights to not to be contented for this because we read every day that bad guys make use of such tactics and rob. But as I told you this boy did not look any threat.

So I let him in and I started to drive. He could speak only Kannada or Hindi so I started talking. I asked him quite a few questions,

Me: Where do you live??

Boy: Rajajinagar

Me: Then what were you doing here??

Boy: My mother is admitted in Jaydeva hospital.

Me: Then how did you get here, at nowhere.

Boy: My uncle left me here.

Me: Your Hindi is really nice, how??

Boy: I work for a North Indian. (I wondered what he meant by that)

Me: Which school do you go?

Boy: I don’t go to any school.

Me: Why??

Boy: My mother doesn’t have any funds. We both work in different houses to earn money. My father abandoned us long ago.

Boy: Now my mother needs 2000 for heart operation and we could manage only 1000. All our relatives have refused to give us any money, so I am going to one of my uncle who lives near Hosur.

I felt he has created a wonderful condition for him to ask me some cash ………. But he not at all did!!!

We reached Electronics city and still nothing which made me more positive about the boy that he is speaking the truth. I asked him how will he go from Hosur to the destination and he said same like this; taking lifts because he has no currency. I decided that I will give him 50 rupees and decided to drop him till Hosur road.

I dropped him at Hosur road but could not give him money. I don’t know what blocked me from giving him that 50 rupees. He got down and went off to get lift from someone else.

I felt content as well as awful. I was happy that I helped a person who undeniably needed it and felt bad because he also could have wanted those 50 rupees.

You know just because of few dreadful people, people like this boy do not get any help. I am very sure that lots of cars before me would have overlooked him. Why do we do that?? What distinction it would have had made to my bank balance if I had given him 50 rupees or even 1000 rupees which he was wandering for ?? But we do not do that.

You can go to a luxurious shop to purchase a tattered jean for 3000 rupees but you are not ready to give an extra rupee to a Sabjiwala or the guy who checks tyre air for your car. Why??

Why do we make life so complicated for us?? Please help such people. If Sabjiwala asks me 8 rupees for 1 kg tomato, I give him 10 rupees and don’t take any change back. What disparity will those 2 rupees make to me, I will anyways waste it on something worthless tomorrow but it is of much more significance to that Sabjiwala or any such individual.

Please help who needs it. Don’t give it to beggars, I don’t find it reasonable but if that beggar is aged and not capable of doing any labor then yes do help them and be bighearted, nothing comes for 1 rupee today. Give them at least 5-10 rupees. Don’t worry it will not make any difference to your assets.

I believe I can Fly

Like a terrible nightmare, most horrible days of my life got over last Friday. It was my final day on Cleopatra (Sea). I said goodbyes to the whole crew on board and each person in return said things like "It was nice to have you here" or "Thanks for all the help you provided" but Rambo said "Please return the admission tag” which is used for various doors on boat!!! Hmmmmm, Don't you think that he indeed is a Brilliant Ass#$%@ (As Mel Gibson would say). Well it is past now.

After all the goodbyes I returned back home and we made a plan to have a rocking bash to celebrate my release from a prison. All 4 of us I, Rockstar, Mel Gibson and Lara croft decided to go to a Pub. We had an incredible time. We had fun till our guts out; last day in the Sin city was amazing.

Next morning we had to catch the Turkish ship to go back to India at 12 in the afternoon. Our voyage was from

# Sin city to Bulbul city,
# Bulbul city to Bhai city in India and
# Bhai city to Aiyyo city in India

A very very long route. I asked Joke Factory to give me a shorter course from a different ship named Roughthansa but Joke factory said that they don't have sufficient money to buy ticket for Roughthnasa. I can understand that, Joke Factory is an unfortunate company; sometimes they even take money from its junior most crew to pay the senior most crew. I truly have a soft corner for this corporation.

Anyways we went to the dock-yard to catch the ship. When we showed our permits to the conductor,

Conductor: "You are on standby”!!!
Me: "What!!!"
Conductor: "We have an overbooked ship so you need to wait”
Me: "Do we have to go standing :-)"
Conductor: “No :-)”

Then following few discussions with his seniors, he gave us the tickets but he said that our seats are not yet finalized and we have to collect the seat numbers at the ship entrance. There was a faint anticipation in my mind that if ship is packed and we still don't have seats then there is a slim probability that we might end up with celebrity seats; our tickets were of deprived class. Joke factory does not give celebrity class tickets because they say when the biggest joker and possessor of the Joke factory "Prem Gareebchand" himself travels in a deprived class then how can you take a trip in a celebrity class. Joke factory has answers for everything, it does not matter how brainless is the explanation but they do have answers for everything. Anyways we went to the ship entrance and showed our tickets. The entrance conductor looked more serious then the previous one and speculated our tickets for 15-20 minutes and upon argument with 2-3 fellow members of the ship he gave us the seat numbers which were 2d and 2f. Do you know what that means if you get a seat which is below number 4?

IT’S A CELEBRITY CLASSSSSSS :D

Sin-City to Bulbul city - We entered in the ship and we were escorted to the celebrity class seats. I must tell you people in deprived class are treated as baggers compared to the celebrity class. As soon as we sat down a lady came with a tray with 3 kinds of drinks. I could distinguish one as orange juice and other one as plain water but I could not make out what was the 3rd one so I asked what’s that and she said in her Bulbul accent "Its Shaam-paa-n (Champagne)", I was like mannnnn this is life. That glass of Champaign was like the greatest thing in the world in my hand. It made me feel like an emperor. This was just a starting, all celebrity class people were treated like a superstars. After every 15 minutes a male attendant used to appear from nowhere to take an order for a drink or for something to eat. We sailed for 4 hours to reach Bulbul city.

Bulbul city to Bhai City in India - When we reached Bulbul city we were keen on buying the most legendary sweet "Lokam" its kind of jelly with dry fruits within. Let me tell you it was breathtaking. We bought 2 large packets and people who will visit my place will for sure get to taste that but offer valid till the stock lasts :D. We started from Bulbul city to Bhai City (Doorway to India). We were in a big ship this time but in a deprived class :-(

The excellent thing with this ship was that it was empty. For 500 passengers only 100 were there and we had center 4 seats just for 2 of us. I asked Rockstar if she wants to lie down on 3 seats and I will manage on the 4th one but she said no it’s ok you be asleep. I asked couple of times more but she refused, so I slept gladly. After just 10 min I sensed that she wants to stretch, so I twisted a slight and allowed her almost 1.5 portion of the 4 seats. 5 minutes later she suggested that we both can manage to sleep on 2-2 seats. So I twisted further and now both of us had 2 seats each. Little later she said it’s not comfy and I had to say ok you take 3 seats I will deal with one and she slept cheerfully for 3 hrs with the whole body stretched out 

Bhai City to Aiyoo City - We reached Bhai city at around 3 in the morning and it was pretty smelly as soon as the door opened. Bhai City port is not very good but we just had to kill couple of hours which we did and returned in one piece to the Aiyoo City.

Felt nice to be back after all that I went through. Now I can look forward to have a great time.

Good People in worst days of my life

Its not a honesty or nice if I do not talk about those people who in fact supported me and talked to me in my terrible time. They are the individuals who treated me as a human. For Rambo Siblings, Johnny siblings and Rocket, I was just like a servant. Every time even if they said “Hi” or “Bye”, to me it felt as if I look like a retard to them. And you know I have not been granted a single day off the work just because Joke factory does not allow any day off for first 6 months if you are at the boat !!!

I would like to show gratitude and talk about people with whom I truly had a lovely time. Which helped me to battle this annoyance in last 106 days,

1. My Wife aka Rockstar - Rockstar is my Wife's wicked twin. I did not want to make it obvious because I wanted you to appreciate how significant 2 characters of a same person can be. We all have twofold characters and also I had to go home too :-). If she was not there I would have lost this battle a long before, Thank You for all you have given me till today.

2. Lara Croft - She used to work on a boat named Caesar. Both the boats Caesar and Cleopatra are part of same fishing firm "Glycodin pvt Ltd". She was initially a part of the Joke Factory but she decided to give it up for a big ship at Sea for the same reason I experienced. She is very concerned and entertaining, Thanks for all.

3. Mel Gibson - He is part of Caesar (Shore) at Joke factory and at the moment working at “Caesar” with the crew Caesar (Sea). He is a cool guy; but only when he is awake :-). Thanks for having lunch with me every day.

Then I had few folks at boat from the crew Cleopatra (Sea) who treated me one of their own.

4. 3 storied man - He is the main mechanic of the boat Cleopatra and he looks after the boat for any holes or broken machinery. He is a very kind and humble guy. He has always spoken to me about India whenever he had time. I called him 3 storied man here because whenever I spoke to him I had to look up as if I m talking to a person who is standing on 3rd story of a building, Very tall man but with tiny ego, pride and attitude. Thank you.

5. Indiana Jones - This person is Mr. Cool, no worries whatsoever about anything. Man with insignificant ego, arrogance or attitude. He has come to my desk and spoken to me about all the things except work almost every single day. He looks after the conversion of language whenever boat goes to a different country and crew does not speak the lingo, lovely man, Thank you.

6. Hulk Hogan - Gem of a person, very soft spoken and very good at heart. He looks after specifications of the boat. He always have given me liberty and value, Thank You.

7. Michael Doglous - Rambo is on leave right now and Michael is acting head presently. When I see him as the person in charge of the boat I feel what the F#¤% is with Rambo!! Why can’t he behave how this gentleman does?? I remember that last week for everything I did for Michael on the boat he said "Thank You" EVERY SINGLE TIME!! I can't even recollect when Rambo brothers and Johnny siblings told me thanks the previous time!! Thank you Michael for all you respect.

8. Damien Martin - He is from crew Cleopatra (Shore). This guy is last resort to me. If nothing is working out I just ask him for help and he has responded EVERY SINGLE TIME. He respects me alot and I also have too much faith in him. Thanks for all the help you have given me.

You know none of above except my wife would have recognized that they are playing such a vital ingredient for my life every day and we usually fail to appreciate that. But you come to know their magnitude only when they are still there in your dire time. So say thanks, it costs nothing :-)

It was a very rigid period for me in recent days but I have learnt 1 thing is that people who support you in your bad time are your true friends :-)

Thanks to all of you for doing that.