Most terrible days of my Life

I know many people would wonder that he is in a foreign country, place of all dreams you would have ever dreamed of, yes it is and it has been a great place since my previous 2 visits but this time it was poles apart :-(

# Cleopatra - It is a Boat where I am working currently, I am not a direct crew member of this boat but I have been sent here to assist and to have enhanced communication between my original crew and the crew on Cleopatra. Troop at Cleopatra is known as "Cleopatra (Sea)"

# Joke Factory - Joke factory is a shipping company who provide "any type" services to different boats or ships around the world and "Cleopatra" is one of them. I work for Joke Factory. I am a member of the team "Cleopatra (Shore)", team that assists "Cleopatra (Sea)"

People who are liable for ruining my life within these 106 days,

In a precedence order,

1st being who pissed me off the Most,

1. Rambo - He is the main commander of the boat and he is the MOST retarded person you could ever bump into, he is not dreadful but he wants everything to be faultless till the last detail and for that he will observe your work so much that you will ultimately loose your senses. Sometimes he himself does not know what he wants, he could be a faultless asshole, He thinks he knows it all and he also thinks that Joke factory is filled with a bunch of jokers, he likes to have last word in every conversation, he basically is a old pathetic bastard.

2. Chota Rambo - He is the bitch of Rambo, they even share the like names, what Rambo says bitch repeats it, over the past few years he has actually learnt how Rambo laughs, speak and what different phrases Rambo speaks, Chota Rambo has mastered everything and now he is a carbon copy of original Rambo, Whenever Rambo is on leave I never miss him because duplicate is always there.

Rambo pays Joke factory a great deal for each facility provided to “Cleopatra” by Joke Factory

3. Little Johnny - Little Johnny is person in charge of the crew "Cleopatra (Shore)", his troop assists and facilitate Rambo's group for different things, since Joke factory gets lots of capital from Cleopatra, Little Johnny has also sold his soul and respect and have also become Rambo's bitch, whatever Rambo says will be done, it does not matter what the job is, if Rambo even asks him to say that an Elephant is a Rabbit, Little Johnny would say its not even a rabbit its a mouse, An incredible Asshole

4. Big Johnny - Big Johnny is Little Johnny’s boss and you can say that he is the boss because little Johnny is also a bitch to big Johnny and does whatever big Johnny says or permits him to do. Big Johnny is also Rambo's bitch but he is bitch to many more such Rambos, he handles more then 10 different boats and makes sure that all those 10 "Shore" Teams work like slaves, I once remember that Rambo requested for a map of India and this asshole charged him for that too!!!

5. Rocket - She is a part of the "Cleopatra (Shore)" at Joke Factory, Her work is essentially to discover faults in everybody’s effort, she thinks she is the best and has some astonishing skills which no one has, I am part of the "Cleopatra (Shore)" team from 2 yrs but she has spend only 1 yr but Fortunately for her, I don't know what little and big Johnny saw in her, they made her my superior so now she tries to boss around on each crew member of "Cleopatra (Shore)" and especially me.

6. Rockstar - A very food friend of mine, we like each other’s company a lot but she is my most evil critic, she always console me when I am down or sad or frustrated but if I talk or share my issues with respect to my job, Rambo or Johnny brothers to her then she does not agree with me even if I am correct.

Various incidents that made me SICK

1. Rambo always expected that I will fix his new auto pilot engine for his boat but I am a navigation expert!! How on the earth could have I done it, little and Big Johnny did not do anything to lend a hand, they just said its my responsibility to do whatever Rambo says!! Little Johnny even recommended once that take a regular engine and name it as autopilot and tell Rambo that Job is completed because anyways Rambo does not know what Autopilot looks like!! I know that you are an absolute idiot little Johnny but Rambo is not.

2. Little Johnny was always behind my ass because I was not able to patch the auto pilot up, I told him that I am a routing expert, use me in navigation but no Little Johnny and Big Johnny decided that I will do auto pilot and a member from my gang "Cleopatra (Shore)" who is an auto pilot professional will do routing!!! Nice judgment ... WOW .... Johnny brothers a Couple of retards.

3. When Little Johnny was on leave, Rocket assumed that she now has to handle this team, so she started passing on everything to me!!! Little Johnny and Big Johnny were sitting and watching emails and were not bothered what’s happening.

4. That’s still ok but if I am miserable because of this and if I talk to Rockstar and discuss these things with her, she says "You are not doing your job appropriately", she says I must do Navigation + auto pilot and should keep working for double hours, it does not matter if working double hrs will decipher the trouble or not but since I m not working double hours people are not pleased with me!!!

5. Finally I fixed the autopilot, then

# Rambo says "You are a navigation expert so why its not auto piloting navigation also!!"

# Chota Rambo says "You are a navigation expert so why its not auto piloting navigation also!!"

# Little Johnny says "You are a navigation expert so why its not auto piloting navigation also!!"

# Big Johnny says "You are a navigation expert so why its not auto piloting navigation also!!"

# Rocket says "You are a navigation expert so why its not auto piloting navigation also!!"

# Rockstar says "If you had worked for double hours you could have made everyone happy even if it was not auto piloting navigation!!"

6. Today perhaps is the worst day of my life. I fought with Rockstar today and I think that I am good for nothing; whatever I do I am not able to keep these 6 people happy.... I have no idea how to come out of this pressure as well as make everyone alright at the same time.

If my wife had not been there with me then I might have had lost my mind by now.

7. I have no place to go, If I m at the boat then Rambo, Chota Rambo and Johnny brothers are always trying to bolt my ass. After work I cannot discuss it with Rockstar also because then you know what will happen. So mainly I had nothing to bust my stress out these 106 days, it was only in sleep where I was not getting blamed; sometimes people came there too to haunt me.

Thanks to my Wife who stood by me and gave me strength to fight it out daily, but i guess all assholes overpowered that too. I had a nervous breakdown, I did not know what to do in life so I decided to write this and after writing it I feel slight comforted. Over the period of years I have realized that if I m hassled and disgusted then writing down a give back answer to the person who is responsible for it, it helps a lot.

Sorry for writing this in a very swanky coding language, I do not want actual people involved in it to get reason to hold me accountable again for no reason.

Please don't ask me who is who, I suppose you can effortlessly guess :-)

Also please tell me what do you do when you are stressed out.

Inspiring Thoughts on Recession

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A coworker of mine told me about a blog written by a very high level manager in search of suggestions about cost cutting; he wanted to know what employees are willing to do for the company. I collected few suggestions from the countless remarks that blog received and decided to share them with you, read them, they are beyond doubt inspirational :-)

Comment 1

This person suggests,

"Everytime I have to approve cab expenses raised by resources, I cannot help but chuckle (sometimes loudly) wondering why services provided by BMTC cannot be utilized.

Most of the travel scheduled happens during weekends. Why cannot MIPRO tie up with BMTC to pick up its employees at bus stops (communicated earlier to employees), instead of allowing individual cab rides?".

After reading this I felt how brainless every governing body is in every corporation that they could not think of such a luminous thought.

Comment 2

This comment says

"I would  recommend moving away from ceramic coffee cups to re-cycled paper cups for coffee and tea. An enormous amount of water and associated costs could be saved in this process."

Hmmmmm this boy has some ideas.

Comment 3

This suggestion says

"I think restricting the use of desk phones to make calls only to mipro numbers would be very helpful. Since, everyone have their personal phones with them & also, we have phone booths at each location, to make other calls."

Salute to the people of this country, India need people like you. You are my Youth ICON.

Comment 4

 Ha ha ha this one is awesome, it says, 

"Suggest revisiting the usage of support staff such as people to manage photocopy machines, receiptionists (in different towers) etc. Shouldnt we be able to take photocopies ourselves? For any major copying needs we should use a central system. Maybe their services could be used to provide other services (such as a concierge system)." Now I will be a photocopier BOY ..... he he he

Comment 5

This person is my Ideal from Today, he says,

"All the above comments seems to be good. Have tried summarizing all the above said points along with some of mine.

1) Major cost cutting can be done when an employee goes for OOD/onsite, he/she should stay in a cheaper hotels(wat i mean is NOT in 5 star n 3 star some lower price hotels). This is one major expense bared by the company i guess.

2) And also if the destination place is in india, one should make use of train facilty rather than going by flight.

3) As some people have suggested solar energy can be utilized for power saving, rain water harvesting(have been done in some offices already).

4) Avoiding very frequent/unnessary team outings and celebrations and claming it. Better celebrate and do outings with our own cost and NOT through company’s cost."

Please dont say more I will start crying.

Comment 6

And here is the most excellent one "This is an improvisation of a previous suggestion. There could be a willful and variable decrement of every employee’s CTC wherein the employee can declare a percentage of his CTC that could be deducted. The minimum deduction could be 0.75 or 1 percent and the maximum is left to the wish of the employee.

Another suggestion is that printer cartridges could be refilled instead of buying original ones. MIPRO can use its hardware expertise to do so. The money spent on manpower is worth the price of new cartridges.

Another one is austerity in spending could be rewarded.The employees who spend less on LTA or spectacles should be given some sort of incentive (monetary or as some kind of bonus points that add up to his/her record in MIPRO)." I am Flattered. These guys should be Indian resource management division. Each Indian will die due to food shortage in front of the food.

--> Well in middle of all these bizzare views there was one which I liked "If you Scrutinize the root cause of resources staying back (24X7 exceptions), it boils down to a few -

1. Lack of efficient planning from their end

2. A Lethargic attitude.

3. Working late indirectly means getting into manager’s good books!I honestly feel if you work EFFICIENTLY for 6 hours in a day, you would always leave the office by 6!

** Managers/supervisors SHOULD discourage people working late

** Resources should REALISE that working late is like self-acknowledging their “INefficiency”.

**This could save operational costs, and a penny saved is a penny earned  Note: There are exceptional scenarios and exceptions cannot be large in number!"

So what do you feel about these people, what implication/recommendation do you have for them??

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